The Way We Were
by Bekki
Summary: She looked at him as though she had never seen him before. How could she forget him? And how could he make her remember? Sam/Jack
1. Chapter 1

**The Way We Were**

Summary: She looked at him as though she had never seen him before. How could she forget him? And how could he make her remember? (Sam/Jack)

Disclaimer: I don't own SG-1 or its characters.

_for Valenship_

* * *

"Incoming wormhole. It's SG1's IDC, General."

Jack's eyes flicked nervously to the gate before he gave Walter a brief nod.

"Open the iris," he said. Jack quickly made his way to the gateroom. SG-1 weren't due back for at least a day. He jogged into the gateroom just in time to see Daniel and Teal'c stumble onto the ramp. There was an unstable jolt of electricity and the wormhole disengaged.

Jack took a moment to survey the scene in front of him. Daniel was puffing like an old man and Teal'c was looking even more somber than usual. They were both covered in dirt and looked as though they hadn't rested in days. The other blindingly obvious thing to note was that they were alone.

"Where's Carter?" Jack asked calmly, but with a slight twitch of his head that none other than Teal'c or Daniel could have recognized as the familiar pang of concern Jack showed whenever something might be wrong with his second in command.

"About that, Jack," Daniel stalled with a look of grief on his face. He turned briefly to the idle gate.

"Colonel Carter is still on P7X 495," Teal'c said.

"Why?"

Daniel looked from Teal'c to Jack.

"We lost her."

* * *

"Let me get this straight, Daniel," Jack fumed. "You lost contact with Carter two days ago and you didn't think it was important to inform me?

Daniel cringed. He and Teal'c had sat in the briefing room for the last five minutes trying to explain, but it seemed the general would not listen to a word.

"We told you, Jack. She went with the Magorans last night."

"Two days ago," Jack corrected with a frustrated flourish of his arms.

"It was only last night on Magora," Daniel explained exasperatingly.

"Whatever," Jack dismissed. "You didn't feel it necessary to go with her?"

"She said she was fine, Jack," said Daniel, but he knew it was a weak argument.

"There wasn't a single other woman on that planet, Daniel," Jack slated. "Doesn't that tell you anything?"

"That's why she insisted, Jack," Daniel said. "You know she gets sometimes."

Jack scoffed. Why did women always have to do stupid things to prove they were as good as men? Carter was the smartest woman Jack knew, hell – the smartest person on Earth, probably; but clearly even _that_ wasn't enough of an equalizer.

"Colonel Carter assured us she would remain in radio contact," Teal'c offered.

"And did she?"

"Yes," said Daniel. "Until this afternoon. She missed her scheduled transmission so we went looking for her."

"You didn't even know where she was?" Jack asked, getting more frustrated by the minute.

"The Magorans live in cave systems," Daniel reminded him. "It's not as simple as walking down the hall."

"During our search, we noticed several earth tremours," Teal'c interjected in an effort to break up the argument. "They began to increase in severity."

"Some of the poorly protected caves started to collapse," Daniel continued. "We had to get out while we still could."

"Daniel Jackson was concerned that the Stargate would be buried during the tremours," Teal'c said.

Jack clenched his teeth and breathed heavily.

"And Carter?" he asked.

"We can't be certain, Jack. We're not one hundred percent sure where they took her."

"Humour me, Daniel," Jack growled.

"Most of the caves in the system were protected by advanced force shields. If she was in one of those and if the gate wasn't damaged, she'll be fine," Daniel said.

"If not?"

"Then she'll be stranded. Or worse."

* * *

Sam sat up and looked around her, groggily. Her head was pounding. She could hear distant rumbling sounds. What in the world was going on?

"Daniel, Teal'c, come in," she called into her radio. There was no reply. "Daniel, Teal'c do you copy?" Still nothing.

She got out of the strange Magoran bed and looked for the rest of her gear. She frowned. She couldn't even remember falling asleep. The last thing she remembered was explaining the mating customs of Western Tau'ri culture. What had happened after that? There were vague images and phrases in her mind, but the rest was a blur. There was a bump and a huge bruise on her head. What had happened to her?

She checked her watch and swore under her breath. She had been here for hours. Over a day.

She found her gear in a cupboard next to the bed. She strapped her side arm in and clipped her vest on. She could hear panicked voices from outside the small room.

"What's going on?" she asked a man she recognized as Sa'men's assistant; Mattias.

"Tremours," the young man answered quickly. He was so rushed that for the first time since Sam had met him, he wasn't blushing with surprise at being spoken to by a real live woman.

"How bad?" Sam demanded.

"Bad," Mattias answered. "Sa'men believes they may rival the First Tremours."

This time Sam didn't bother to swear under her breath. The First Termours were a series of earthquakes that took place almost thirty years ago and destroyed every city on the planet's surface. Her curse was received by Mattias with a look of confusion. He was about to ask what she had meant when she stopped him.

"Where is my team?" she asked. "Daniel and Teal'c. Have you seen them?" she asked.

"I have not," Mattias replied. "Though if they knew what was best for them, they would have returned to their planet through the Orifice. Who knows how long it will remain standing?"

The young man took his leave and made his way through the neighbouring caves, raising the evacuation alert. Men in their hundreds swarmed through the passage ways, racing to get to the well protected caves at the heart of the system.

"Mattias!" Sam called after him. "What can I do?" she asked.

Mattias looked behind him as though searching for someone to reprimand him. "We don't need help," he said. "We have practiced for such an evacuation for years. You must go through the Orifice to join your friends before it is too late."

"Are you sure?" Sam asked.

"Look," said Mattias in a hushed voice. "I'm not sure what Sa'men has told you, but he has plans for you. It is best that you go home before he can enact them. Go!" he shouted.

Sam nodded and raced out of the cave system towards the Stargate.

"The MALP telemetry shows tremours no greater than 4.5 on the Richter Scale," Walter said over the loud speaker. Jack gave him a thumbs up from the gate room.

Several hours after Daniel and Teal'c's return, the gate was activated for their return to Magora. They were accompanied by SG-3 and a medical team.

"Ok, boys," Jack said to the ten men who were preparing to step through the gate. "I don't want you to take any chances out there. Find Carter, bring her home, _then_ help out with the evacuation. The minute it starts getting too rough, I want you to bug out. Understood?"

SG-3 answered with an almost synchronized "Yes sir." The medical team followed suit.

"Your main objective is to retrieve Colonel Carter," Jack reminded. "You have a go."

The three teams filed up the ramp.

"Any time now, Sergeant," Jack called, waving his arm at the gate.

"Chevron seven will not lock," Walter's voice boomed over the speaker. "Repeat, chevron seven will not…" The gate sprung to life. "Incoming wormhole!" he yelled as the iris closed.

"What?" Jack huffed.

"It's SG-1's IDC, sir," Walter said.

"Sam," Daniel said, his face brightening with the prospect.

"In position," Jack ordered. The three teams in the gate room took defensive stances, their weapons at the ready. "Open the iris!"

The iris opened and after a few seconds a figure appeared from the shimmering blue of the event horizon.

"Sam," Daniel cried and made his way up the ramp to meet her.

"Daniel," she responded warmly and gave him an affectionate shoulder squeeze. Teal'c and Jack followed suit and approached the ramp to greet her. Sam gave Teal'c a short hug before her eyes met Jack's.

"Nice timing," Jack said with a smile. Sam furrowed her eyebrows in confusion and snapped to attention.

"Colonel Samantha Carter, sir," she greeted him curtly with a salute. She looked at him as though she had never seen him before.

Jack looked from Teal'c to Daniel. Both men looked as baffled as he felt.

"Looks like we'll need that medical team, after all."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 **

* * *

"I don't understand," Sam said as medics began to take her blood and run tests. "I feel fine."

Daniel looked at Jack worriedly and laid a hand on her shoulder. "The doctors will figure out what's going on," he assured her.

"Nothing's going on," she insisted. "Where's General Hammond?"

There was a beat of silence.

"General Hammond is in Washington," Teal'c said.

"Why?" asked Sam. "Has something happened?" she asked. Lines of anxiety were beginning to etch themselves down her face.

"Nothing's happened," Daniel said, soothingly. "General Hammond was promoted to Homeworld security. Don't you remember?"

Sam shook her head.

"Is it possible Colonel Carter has sustained a head injury on Magora?" Teal'c asked.

"No, I'm fine," Sam said. "Has something happened while I was gone?"

"Something, obviously," Jack said.

Sam looked down at her lap. "What are you talking about?" she asked. "And with all due respect, who _are_ you?" she asked Jack, who had been silently watching her for minutes.

"Jack O'Neill. Pleased to meet you," Jack said sarcastically.

"Jack, you're not helping," Daniel grumbled. "Jack took over from General Hammond," He explained calmly. "He was promoted just before you were."

"Congratulations, General," Sam said, with no clue of what she was meant to say.

"Thanks," Jack grimaced.

"What _do _you remember?" Daniel asked Sam.

"I remember everything," Sam insisted. "Daniel, what's happening?"

* * *

"So what's up, Doc?" Jack asked Dr Brightman several hours later as she led Jack and SG-1 over to her charts.

"Well, as you know, the blood work has come back clean," the doctor said, briefly pulling out the test results. "We ran a full MRI, which is where we discovered the anomalies."

"What anomalies?" Daniel asked.

Dr Brightman took out the brain scan. "At first, I couldn't see anything wrong. It looks like a healthy functional brain."

"But…" Jack led.

"But, I noticed that some sections seemed pixilated. If you go over a magnified version of the MRI you can see that there is a discolouration every two hundred pixels or so."

"Right…" Jack drawled.

"I ordered a rescan at microscopic level. We should be able to tell what the discoloured pixels actually are." She pulled one of the scans out of her manilla folder and held it up to the light.

"My god," she said and showed it to the others.

The scan showed a very small section of Sam's brain. It was covered in tiny pins.

"What are they?" Daniel asked, a look of horror on his face.

"If you even begin to say Urgo…"

"Actually General, you might be on the right track," Dr Brightman said. Jack groaned. "The reports I have read about the incident seem similar to this. Devices attached to the brain that leave no evidence of surgery, a certain loss of memory…"

"These devices are of greater number," Teal'c pointed out.

"That's correct, Teal'c, and from what I've seen of the Urgo mechanism, they are completely different devices altogether."

"So what _exactly_ are they?" Jack asked.

"I have no idea."

* * *

Sam sat on her own for almost half an hour while her teammates and General O'Neill spoke to Dr Brightman. She tried to eavesdrop on their conversation, but the more she tried to listen in, the more her head hurt. How could this have happened? She knew she didn't remember this General O'Neill, and knew for a fact that she had never met him before in her life.

Perhaps she was in an alternate reality. _Yes, _she thought, _that's it. I'm stuck in an alternate reality with an SG-1 like mine, only in this reality, General Hammond has been promoted._

Her train of thought stopped in its tracks. She couldn't be in an alternate reality at all. She remembered General Hammond's promotion. He left the year before, after…after something important happened. She didn't know what. He was replaced by Dr Weir. Dr Elizabeth Weir. But she was gone too. Wasn't she? Sam couldn't quite remember her leaving, nor could she remember who replaced her. Her head started to ache.

What on earth was wrong with her?

* * *

Daniel, Teal'c and Jack returned to Sam's bedside to find her asleep.

"Should we wake her up?" Daniel asked.

"No," said Jack softly. "Let her sleep."

Daniel gave his friend a sympathetic smile and turned his attention back to his sleeping teammate. He had rarely felt so guilty in his life. Why hadn't he stayed with her? If he hadn't have let her go off with the Magoran men alone, she might still have her memory intact and her brain free from hundreds of microscopic pins. He looked to Teal'c. The Jaffa's face was as sombre as ever, and Daniel knew that he too blamed himself for what had happened to their team leader.

"Gentlemen," the voice of Dr Brightman buzzed as she entered the infirmary.

"Any news?" Jack asked hopefully. Dr Brightman gave him the same sympathetic smile as Daniel had.

"Nothing good," she said. "A team of scientists and neurologists have been examining the magnified MRIs and come up with theory."

"Spill it," Jack ordered.

Dr Brightman nodded and took one of the magnified MRIs out its document wallet.

"Every neural pathway that modern science has identified as being involved with memories appears to have been targeted by the devices. We've hypothesized that whoever did this meant to repress particular memories of Colonel Carter's. The devices themselves act like forceps. They squeeze the nerves in a manner that prevents certain information from processing in the brain. Colonel Carter's memory has not been erased – just blocked."

"So it's not permanent," Jack said.

"I didn't say that, General," Dr Brightman said. "The devices are so small that we don't have a hope of removing them surgically. There is _no_ chance that we could remove them without causing considerable brain damage."

There was a considerable mood change in the room. Daniel looked at his hands and Teal'c bowed his head in grief. Jack continued to stare at the doctor. He hadn't accepted defeat just yet.

"What can we do?" he asked.

"Medically; nothing." Dr Brightman said. "This is completely beyond anything I could begin to understand. The best we can do is to ascertain exactly what the devices are making her forget and why."

Jack turned to his two ex-team mates who looked just as frazzled as he did.

"How exactly do we do that?" Jack asked.

"By asking her every possible question about her past that we can."

Jack rolled his eyes. It was going to be a very long day.


	3. Chapter 3

She had been there for hours. She had sat in the interrogation room since breakfast, answering questions about her childhood. What was her name? What was her first pet? Where did she go to kindergarten?

"What did you eat for breakfast this morning?"

"Oatmeal."

The questions were getting less interesting by the second.

Sam looked around. She had been in the interrogation room many times before, but never quite like this. General O'Neill assured her that it was not for any other reason than the room's excellent audio-visual recording devices. The thought wasn't comforting.

"What is your rank?"

"Lieutenant Colonel," she replied.

It had been decided that an interview was the easiest way to discover just what she had forgotten. The Tok'ra had been contacted and were apparently concerned about what had happened to the post-host of the late Jolinar of Malk'shur. They had said they would send useful supplies and an operative if they could spare them.

"What is your mother's name?"

"Anne."

"What is your father's name?"

"Jacob."

Dr Brightman paused to write on her chart. Sam took the opportunity to seek out her team mates. She found them watching her from the observatory room. She gave them a small smile and they returned it with their own. General O'Neill nodded to her and gave her a lopsided grin. It made her uncomfortable.

"What school did you attend at the age of fourteen?"

Sam took a few moments to think. "Don't worry," she assured the Doctor. "It's in there." She closed her eyes and counted on her fingers. "That was the year Dad got transferred to Washington, so that would make it Franklin High."

This was strange. She felt like she was on some kind of peculiar game show.

"Who leads SG-1?"

"I do."

"Who led SG-1 before your promotion?"

Sam opened her mouth for an automatic answer. None came. Who _did _lead SG-1?

"General O'Neill?" she asked.

Dr Brightman gave her a skeptical look.

"Did you remember that?" she asked.

"No," Sam confessed. "I just assumed."

"This won't work unless you tell me exactly what you know to be true and only what you know to be true." Sam nodded. She had already known that.

"I don't know who the SG-1 leader was before I was promoted."

Dr Brightman wrote on her chart again.

"Tell me about your brother."

"My brother Mark is three years older than me. He lives in San Diego with his wife and kids. What else do you want to know?"

"That's enough, Colonel. Thank you. Tell me about your fiancée, Pete."

Sam smiled. "Pete's a policeman. He…uh…" Sam's head began to pound.

"Colonel, are you alright?" Dr Brightman asked.

"It's nothing," Sam assured. "He…Pete…"

"Do you remember him, Colonel Carter?"

Sam flushed. "Of course I do, he's my fiancée, right?" She meant the question rhetorically, but even as she answered, she began to question her own memories. She knew he was her fiancée. She remembered him proposing. Vaguely. She remembered…her head pounded again.

"Colonel, are you ok?" Dr Brightman was at her side.

"I'm fine," she replied holding her head. "It's a little blurry. Can we agree that I vaguely remember?"

She was getting snappy and she knew it. She took a deep breath in and closed her eyes for a second. She opened them to the sound of the door. Teal'c, Daniel and General O'Neill had come in to keep her company. She smiled.

"Can you tell me anything else about your fiancée?" Dr Brightman asked. Sam looked over at her friends for help. Daniel shrugged and Teal'c bowed his head. General O'Neill looked uncomfortable.

"Not right now," she answered.

"That's alright, Colonel, let's move on to your missions."

Sam smiled wearily and nodded. This wasn't going to be a walk in the park.

"Offworld activation," Walter Harriman's voice spoke through the PA system. "It's the Tok'ra."

"Dad!" Sam smiled as her father joined her in the interrogation room, General O'Neill not far behind him.

"Hey kiddo," Jacob answered and gave his daughter a hug. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine, Dad," she answered. "A little headache, nothing too bad."

Jacob smiled and dipped his head.

"It is good to see you once again, Colonel Carter."

"Selmak," she acknowledged. "Hi."

Selmak nodded. "We have brought Tok'ra memory recall devices to fully understand the extent of your memory loss."

"Thanks," she said, but both Selmak and Jacob could tell that her smile was fake.

"I understand that you have not had pleasant experiences with such devices in the past," Selmak said. "Unfortunately, I cannot guarantee that this will be any less painful."

"You've got to do what you've got to do," Sam said, and allowed the Tok'ra to insert the round device into the side of her head. She winced.

"General O'Neill would prefer that we do not use the projections for the sake of your own privacy. Both Jacob and I, however, believe that as third party observers, we might gain more from watching your memories than merely listening to them. Perhaps a loophole or malfunction in the programming inside your brain will become evident if your subconscious attempts to show us a memory you have repressed."

Sam nodded. "Alright," she said, and watched as Selmak set up the rest of the equipment.

"Well, let's move on to your missions," Dr Brightman said.

"Right," Sam answered, trying to ignore the presence of the six people in the room who would now be watching her thoughts.

"Tell us about your first mission through the gate."

Sam nodded. The screen lit up and she watched the gate through the eyes of Captain Carter. The vision went blurry. She watched a young Daniel Jackson theorizing stellar drift and heard herself say that she knew she would like him. She sent a smile in Daniel's direction. He grinned back.

She returned her attention to the screen in front of her. She saw herself in a dungeon. She saw Teal'c, the first prime of Apophis. The vision went blurry once more.

"What happened after that?" Dr Brightman asked. Sam shrugged.

"I talked to Teal'c," Jack said. "He agreed to help us."

"Do you remember this?" Dr Brightman asked Sam. She shook her head. Dr Brightman wrote on her chart.

"Let's move on to a different mission. Tell me about being stuck in Antarctica."

Sam furrowed her eyebrows. No memories came to her. She looked over at her team-mates. Daniel and Teal'c looked at her encouragingly. She shook her head. She didn't remember. She looked to General O'Neill. He was looking down at his hands.

"Can I see the mission report?" Sam asked.

"You don't remember this mission?"

Sam shook her head.

"Interesting," Dr Brightman murmured and wrote on her chart. "I'm sure General O'Neill will ensure you have full access to all mission reports after this test is done."

"Thank you," Sam said.

"What can you tell me about the second Stargate?" Dr Brightman continued.

"It was found in Antarctica," Sam explained. Realization dawned on her face. "Did I find it?" she asked.

"Yes," Dr Brightman said. "As I remember it, there was a malfunction with the Stargate…"

"Which sent you and Jack to Antarctica," Daniel finished. "We didn't know what happened."

"How did we get home?" Sam asked, looking to the General for answers. He hid his gaze from her. She felt a twinge of annoyance. What was he hiding from her?

It was Daniel who answered again. "We realized you were trying to dial home, but couldn't," he said. "Because…"

"Because we were already here," Sam said. "That makes sense. If you try and dial your own phone number…"

"That's exactly what I said. The gate was engaged."

"How did we survive?" Sam asked. "It must have been…"

"Cold," Jack answered, glancing away from his hands to give Sam a sarcastic smirk. She didn't return it.

Dr Brightman cleared her throat. "Shall we continue?" she asked. Sam continued to stare at her commanding officer.

"Yes," she said, tearing her eyes away from General O'Neill and back at Dr Brightman Why did he make her feel so mundane? Didn't he care at all? "Sorry," she said.

"Tell me about your mission to PX3 517."

Several hours after the long interview was over, Sam lay in her bed in the infirmary, trying to make sense of her situation. She had fallen asleep for almost an hour but her head had ached and she had dreamed of things she didn't understand.

"Sam?"

Sam was brought back to the present at the sight of Daniel's face peeking through the privacy curtain.

"Daniel," she said warmly, a smile gracing her face. "Come in."

Daniel smiled back at her and sat at the end of her bed.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Fine," said Sam, but one look at her friend's face told her that he knew she was just giving an automatic response. "Have you heard anything yet?" she asked, to avoid more questions.

Daniel nodded. "Dr Brightman and Selmak have just been going through the preliminary findings."

"Anything solid?" she asked hopefully.

"Not yet, but they should be in here with some kind of report any minute now."

"Thanks," Sam said, the smile not quite reaching her eyes. Daniel looked at her, concerned. "What?" she asked, knowing that look.

"Something else is wrong," he said.

"Not really," said Sam. "It's…General O'Neill. He…"

"Don't worry about him, Sam," Daniel interrupted. "He takes a while to get used to."

"It's just that…" Sam tried to order her thoughts into some kind of sentence. "Throughout the whole test, he wouldn't even look at me. Is he that impersonal with everyone?"

Daniel shook his head. "It's just Jack," he said. "He's not the best at dealing with these kind of situations."

"Then…why is he in charge?" Sam half-whispered.

"Not like that," Daniel quickly corrected. "He's a good leader. I meant…he's not good at personal stuff. Particularly when it comes to you."

"Why?" asked Sam. "He doesn't like me, does he?"

"What? No," Daniel said. "It's…never mind, Sam. I shouldn't have said that. Just forget it."

He looked so adamant that Sam sighed and nodded. "I just wish I understood all of this," she said.

"Don't worry," Daniel said, holding her hand through the bed sheet. "We'll figure this out."

"I hope so, Daniel," she answered and as Daniel held her hand, she let herself fall back to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

_Sam, Daniel and Teal'c stepped through the gate to be greeted by an assembly of very confused and frightened onlookers. They seemed to have been in prayer. Now they clung to one another, gasping and pointing at the strange travelers who had come through the Orifice. _

"_Have we interrupted something?" Daniel asked, looking over the sea of murmuring people._

"_They speak!" shouted one man, as the others regained use of their voices. _

"_Where did they come from?" cried another._

"_We're peaceful explorers," Daniel explained, taking a step forward. "We come from a planet called Earth."_

_But his words were lost on the inhabitants of the planet. They all seemed transfixed._

"_Why are they staring at us like that?" Sam asked, discreetly. They had come across their fair share of starers in their time, but none had looked at them quite like this. It was as though they had never seen people before, let alone people from another planet. _

"_Not _us_," Daniel said. Surely enough, every one of the villager's eyes were upon her and her alone._

"_They look like they've never seen a woman before," Sam said. _

_Daniel returned his gaze back to the multitudes of villagers. There was not a woman among them._

"_I don't think they have," he said._

* * *

"So what have you got for us, Doc?"

"I'd like to wait until Colonel Carter wakes up before I begin to…"

Sam groaned and flicked her eyes open.

"She's awake," Daniel said. Sam could still feel his hand on hers. Had he been with her the whole time she was asleep?

"Hey," she said with an attempt at a smile. Daniel smiled back. He _had _stayed with her. She looked around the room at Teal'c, who bowed his head to her, at her father who gave her a sympathetic smile, at Dr Brightman who was revising her findings and finally at General O'Neill who looked, once again, uncomfortable and detached. She frowned.

"It's good to see you awake," Dr Brightman said. "Selmak and I have our preliminary report."

Sam nodded and sat up. Daniel let go of her hand to give her space and she smiled at him again, giving him a silent thank you. He glanced at General O'Neill before returning Sam's smile. She looked at her C.O again, catching something else in his eyes. She didn't recognize it.

"We believe whoever has done this has targeted one specific memory," Dr Brightman started. Sam returned her attention to the Doctor. "Colonel Carter's memory prior to her involvement in the Stargate Program is completely intact. The discrepancies begin immediately after her placement on SG-1."

"So this has something to do with the Stargate?" General O'Neill asked.

"Not exactly," Jacob answered. He allowed Selmak to take control of his body.

"Colonel Carter worked on the Stargate Program for several years before joining SG-1," Selmak said. "Her memories up until the exact point she joined SG-1 remain unharmed."

"Furthermore, she still has many memories of her time in SG-1, particularly during the last year," Dr Brightman added.

"Her memories of early missions are vague and are sometimes missing sections. We have found that in all cases, these sections directly involve General O'Neill," Selmak said.

"Me?" Jack asked, comically.

"So it would seem," Selmak said.

"Apart from a few discrepancies in Colonel Carter's memories of her fiancée, all her other missing memories are of you," Dr Brightman said.

"Currently, there is nothing the Tok'ra can do to remove the devices from Colonel Carter's brain," Selmak said. "However, Jacob and I will do what we can to find a solution." Sam nodded in thanks. "I'm afraid we must leave promptly."

Sam kissed her father goodbye and her face fell as he left the infirmary to return to the Tok'ra.

"So what can we do?" Jack asked Dr Brightman, the concern in his voice obvious to everyone except Colonel Carter.

Dr Brightman shook her head. "Nothing has changed, General. We know nothing more about the devices than we did yesterday. All we know is that Colonel Carter can no longer remember you and you alone."

"But why?" Sam asked.

"We were hoping you might be able to tell us," Dr Brightman said. She looked around at her friends and shrugged. She had nothing.

* * *

"General," Sam acknowledged, several hours later, when General O'Neill entered the infirmary.

"At ease, Carter, it's only me," he said, before stopping himself. "Right," he murmured. That would mean nothing to her. "Anything yet?" he asked with a hopeful smirk.

"Nothing," Sam answered, trying to study his face, but not wanting to appear as though she was staring. Why had he come to visit her? Up till this point he had seemed very nonchalant about the whole situation.

"So…" General O'Neill said awkwardly. He picked up a couple of doctor's sponges and fiddled with them.

"You didn't have to come see me, General," Sam said, mistaking his awkwardness for boredom.

"Sure I did," he replied and sat on the end of her bed. He didn't miss her flinch as he did. "Should I go?" he asked.

"No," Sam said, pleased for the company, uncomfortable as it was. "Do you need to go?"

"No," said Jack. "Daniel's checking out the MALP telemetry with Walter."

"Oh," Sam said, and rested her head back against the pillow.

"Apparently, the quake party's still in full swing. It's about 6 on the Rickster…thing…"

"The Richter Scale?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, that one!" Jack flashed her a grin. She didn't return it.

"You ok?" Jack asked.

Sam nodded. "You seem to be giving me a headache," she said.

"Should I go?" Jack asked again.

"That eager to leave?" Sam asked. "General," she said, ignoring Jack's uneasy gaze.

"Yeah," Jack replied.

"Why don't you call me Sam?"

Jack looked at his feet for a quick second. "What?" he asked. _That_ was out of the blue.

"You just said Daniel and _Walter_ were going through the telemetry."

"They are," he said, protectively.

"I've been on your team for seven years, but you still call me Colonel Carter?"

Jack swallowed. "Yep," he said.

"But you can call Sergeant Harriman, Walter."

"You've never said anything…" he trailed off.

"Could I have?" she asked.

"What does that mean?" General O'Neill asked, rearing up slightly.

"Why don't you call me Sam?"

"Because…because I don't," Jack said. "Carter…has a nice ring to it, ya know." He attempted to smile. She didn't respond. "It's…it's just the way things are," he said.

"You mean things are the way you like them to be," she said. "Is that it? You can't call me by my name because…what? Because you like being my superior? Because I'm a woman?"

"Oh, here we go…" he groaned.

"Excuse me?" she asked.

"When we first met, you gave me this whole spiel about your organs being on the inside, about my apparent sexism…you challenged me to a freakin' arm-wrestle, for cryin' out loud."

"What?"

"We've done this," Jack explained, trying to calm himself down. "We've done the 'I'm a Colonel and you're only a Captain', 'I'm a man and you're only a woman' thing. We did it years ago. It…doesn't exist."

"Then call me by my name," she said, trying to force him to look at her. "Sir," she added.

Jack didn't answer for a while. Sam could see him struggling.

"I think I'll leave you to rest, Colonel," Jack said finally, and stood up. "Sam," he added quietly.

Sam felt a pang of guilt as she watched him leave the infirmary.


	5. Chapter 5

"_It is an honour to meet you," the leader of the Magorans said as he showed SG-1 into the first tunnel system._

"_Likewise," Daniel said, although he knew that the compliment had been meant for Sam alone. _

"_My name is Sa'men," he said. "I am the Governer of Magora."_

"_I'm Colonel Samantha Carter," Sam answered, well aware of the many male eyes that lingered on her as they followed the Magoran leader. "This is Dr Daniel Jackson and Teal'c of Chulak."_

"_A pleasure to meet you," Sa'men said. "Excuse my asking, but what brings you to Magora?"_

"_We're explorers," Daniel said. "We've come to discover new cultures and make allies."_

_Sa'men nodded. "Useful allies you would make," he said. "Travelers from another planet."_

"_We can show you how the gate works," said Sam. "The Stargate," she said, at Sa'men's blank look._

"_I believe you call it the Orifice?" Daniel said. _

"_Ah, the Orifice," Sa'men said. "For many years we have been in the dark as to its purpose. It seems already you have helped our people."_

"_We have more to offer," said Sam. "Addresses to other planets, medicines and technology…" she stopped as they entered a larger cave system. The cave walls were covered in machinery that was well beyond Sam's comprehension. _

"_Wow," Daniel said._

_Sa'men smiled. "We would certainly welcome any knowledge that you would give us."_

* * *

Jack sat in his office, twiddling a small piece of paper between his fingers. He blinked a few times and rested his head on one hand. He was so tired. He had stayed awake all night, watching Sam as she slept. It was probably not one of his better ideas. Now he would never get ay work done.

He dropped the piece of paper on the desk. This was harder than he had expected. This Sam was different to the Sam he knew. She didn't have the same laughter in her eyes that she normally did. She treated him with the same anarchistic respect that she had in the first days of their relationship. It made him smile for a brief moment. She had been so gung-ho back then. So eager to prove her worth.

But the humour he had found in Sam's new attitude towards him was quickly replaced with melancholy. He didn't like looking at Sam, only to see a pair of eyes that didn't know him looking back. Had hadn't realized how much he loved the way she looked at him. He hadn't realized she looked at him any differently to anyone else.

He shook his head and kicked the leg of his desk. It was wrong for him to be even thinking any of this. Doubly wrong, considering that she didn't even know him now. Triply wrong, what with Pete and all.

He felt a childish kind of satisfaction, knowing she couldn't really remember Pete either. He couldn't explain why, even to himself. He picked up the piece of paper and looked at it. Pete Shanahan's phone number. If there was one thing he didn't enjoy about being "the man" it was making calls to people's loved ones. Especially _her _loved ones.

He dialed the phone number and gritted his teeth as it rang. Maybe he wouldn't be home.

"Shanahan." _Doh_

"Pete," he quipped. "It's General O'Neill here."

"General. Has something happened to Sam?"

_Here we go. _"There's been a bit of a situation off-world," Jack said.

"Is she hurt?"

"No, no injuries," Jack said. He wasn't exactly lying.

"So what's going on?"

"Well, you know Carter," Jack searched. "She's the genius. We need her here to fix the problem." Nice one. He hadn't blatantly lied yet. "She won't be home for at least a few days, maybe more."

"Can I talk to her?"

"No," said Jack. How could he avoid lying about this one? "She's…off-world," he said. _So close_

"Okay." Jack sighed in relief. Maybe Shanahan wasn't that bad, after all. He scoffed at himself at the thought. "Thanks for the call."

"Anytime," Jack said and smashed the phone into the receiver. Twice, for good measure.

"Jack!"

Jack jumped a little in his seat.

"Geez, Daniel. What ever happened to knocking?" he grumbled.

Daniel paused for a moment, looking at the phone receiver.

"She's off-world?" he asked.

"I didn't want him to worry," Jack replied, sullenly. It was true. He _didn't _want Shanahan to worry. He didn't want him to be in a position to worry. People who _weren't_ marrying Carter might not worry. People who didn't have arms or legs or a face might not worry either.

Jack was dragged from his Shanahan-dismembering fantasies with a cough from Daniel.

Had he really just been daydreaming about mashing Carter's fiancée? Jealousy really was a beast.

Daniel took a seat opposite Jack.

"Something I can do for you, Daniel?" Jack asked, still annoyed that he had been caught off guard.

Daniel narrowed his eyes. "I've just been to see Sam," he said.

"How's she doing?"

"She's ok," Daniel said. He looked directly at his friend. "How are you doing with all this?"

"Me?"

"Well, you're the one she can't remember," he reminded Jack.

"I'm fine," Jack said. "Sweet…dandy…is that all?"

"You don't have to pretend it's all ok, Jack," Daniel said, lowering his voice.

"What would you like me to do, Daniel?"

"Talk to her," Daniel said. "She doesn't think you even care that she's lost her memories."

"Yeah, I noticed that," Jack said.

"She talked to you about it?" Daniel asked.

"Oh we had a great jaunt down memory lane," Jack said. "It was just like we were in the briefing room again that first time." Daniel said nothing, hoping Jack would continue. It didn't work.

"It's strange, isn't it?" Daniel said, trying to keep the conversation line open. "I mean, last time we lost our memories, you were the only thing she remembered. This time, you're the only thing she…" he stopped.

"What?" Jack asked, his eyes narrowed. Daniel had that excited, nerdy, realization look in his eyes.

"That's it," Daniel said, eagerly. "The memory stamps!" Jack gave him a blank look. "We know that whoever did this clipped Sam's memories of you. Maybe they didn't clip _all _of them. She might not remember you, but she just might remember _Jonah._"

Jack looked at his friend forebodingly. "Daniel," he warned.

"Don't worry, Jack. It'll be fine," Daniel promised and raced out of Jack's office to see Sam again.

"Crap," Jack sighed and put his head in his hands.


	6. Chapter 6

_SG-1 sat at a large table around which many staring eyes watched Sam avidly. She ate uncomfortably and spared Daniel a begging glance. He returned it with one more sympathetic._

"_Sa'men," Daniel asked, to deflect the attention from Sam. "If I may…"_

"_You wish to enquire about the location of our wives and daughters," Sa'men guessed._

"_Well, yes," Daniel said, smiling apologetically at the Governor._

"_It is a sad tale," Sa'men started, gaining the attention of every man in the large hall. "The Magoran civilization was once one of great prosperity and wealth. Our cities covered the land and our buildings were as tall as the sky itself. The _Terbang_, Magora's first space bound aircraft, had just been built and life was at an all time high."_

_The Magorans nodded and reminisced with toasts and smiles to one another._

"_Then, nigh on thirty years ago, our world Magora suffered a terrible fate," Sa'men continued. "Tremours like none before had seen began to shake the very ground itself. There was no escape. Our buildings collapsed and our cities were destroyed. Our only hope was the_Terbang_. But the _Terbang_ was never meant to carry all our people. There was neither sufficient life support nor room. It was agreed that all women and children would make the journey. They left just in time to see our last city fall. But we failed them," he said. "They never returned."_

_The hall was filled with the mourning of lost mothers, wives and daughters. Sam ducked her head in reverence. Teal'c did the same._

"_There are young men here," Daniel pointed out._

"_Yes," said Sa'men. "The _Terbang _could not accommodate all Magoran women and children. Almost half the male children were left behind. It seems they were the lucky ones. As we watched the _Terbang_disappear into the sky, we evacuated the land and headed below the surface into the first of the protected cave systems. Since then, we have built upon them, extending the protected systems almost one hundred fold."_

"_How were they protected?" Sam asked._

"_The first cave system was protected by a powerful force shield. It was created by our forefathers as a haven for such an event as the First Tremours. In it was stored many blueprints of the city as well as the building blocks of the Magoran Empire, should we have had need to begin again."_

"_Lucky," Daniel said._

"_Forethought," Sa'men corrected. "But, as you must realize, our people are now faced with a grave dilemma."_

"_The continuation of your people," Sam said._

"_Yes. We have long grieved that we will never again see a child born in Magora."_

"_Perhaps we can be of assistance in this matter," Teal'c said._

"_Yes," agreed Sa'men, his eyes returning to Sam. "Perhaps you can."_

* * *

Sam looked through her lab, searching for something that might seem out of place. She found device after device, report after report. She sat down at her desk and rifled through pages. Everything looked the same as it had before she had left. 

Standing at the back of her desk was a photo frame. She picked it up and studied it carefully. Smiling through the glass of the frame was SG-1 and a very young Cassandra Frasier. Cassie was holding a dog against her chest and her teammates had their arms lazily slung around one another. Daniel looked young and innocent, his mop of hair hanging in front of her eyes. Sam stifled a giggle. She had almost forgotten how comically geeky he had looked when she met him. Teal'c was barely smiling but the joy in his eyes was there. She looked at herself and smiled again. She had certainly grown up since this picture was taken. She looked the vision of youth, with her own mop of hair and a huge grin on her face. Around her shoulders were the arms of her commanding officer, the man she no longer recognized. He too, was smiling broadly. It was a pleasing sight.

"Colonel Carter."

Sam was brought out of her reverie at the sound of Teal'c at the door.

"Teal'c," she greeted warmly. "Come in."

Teal'c bowed his head and entered the lab.

"Should you not be in the infirmary?" Teal'c enquired.

"Dr Brightman's let me out for a while," she said. "To get my bearings."

"A wise suggestion," he said and came to stand behind her.

"I was just looking at this picture," she explained needlessly. "It's strange. I see myself in the photo but I could swear I was never there."

"You were in fact there, Colonel Carter," Teal'c said.

"So I figured," Sam answered.

"A momentous occasion," Teal'c summed up, not waiting for Sam to ask when it had been taken.

"Yeah?" Sam asked.

"Indeed," Teal'c said. "It was taken shortly after Cassandra Frasier was brought to Earth."

"At the park," Sam said. "We had a picnic."

"Do you remember this occasion?" Teal'c asked.

"Yes…and no," Sam admitted. "I remember that we did it, but I don't remember _it._"

"I understand," said Teal'c.

"Really?" Sam joked. "I wish you could."

"As do I," Teal'c said solemnly. Sam returned her attention to the smiling faces in the photo.

"Have we always been like this?" she asked.

"To what do you refer?" Teal'c asked.

"Have we always been this happy? SG-1?" she asked.

"Indeed," Teal'c said proudly. "SG-1 have been most fortunately content."

Sam smiled at Teal'c's word choice before looking back at the photo. "Even General O'Neill?" she asked.

"Yes," Teal'c said. "In the past eight years he has been your greatest source of laughter."

"Really?" Sam asked. "He doesn't seem the type to make me laugh."

Teal'c bowed his head. "Remember Colonel Carter, that he must also suffer at this time."

Sam nodded. "He's the one I can't remember. Right," she said. "So we're really friends?"

"Of many years," Teal'c said.

"Just like you and I are?" she asked, barely able to believe that the disconnected, seemingly uninterested General might be as close to her as Teal'c and Daniel.

"No," Teal'c answered.

"Oh," Sam muttered, crestfallen. She gave Teal'c a _please continue_ look. The Jaffa appeared reluctant to elaborate.

"The circumstances are dissimilar," he said.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked.

"It is not my story to tell," Teal'c said. "Rest assured, you and General O'Neill areclose."

"Close," Sam repeated, confused. "Thanks Teal'c."

"It is my pleasure, Colonel Carter," Teal'c said, leaving Sam to her own confused thoughts.

* * *

A/N: I just realized how ridiculously mean I am for posting the chapters in this order! Never fear, I shall post the 'Memory Stamp' chapter within the next day. Hope you have enjoyed this installment. I'd love to hear from you! 


	7. Chapter 7

"_Mattias said that Sa'men wanted to show me their technology," Sam said to Teal'c and Daniel as they prepared for the day._

"_Great," said Daniel. "Maybe we can open trade talks."_

"_He wanted me to go alone," Sam said._

"_I do not think that is wise, Colonel Carter," Teal'c said. _

_Sam narrowed her eyes. "Why not?" she asked, challenge hidden in her voice. _

"_I think Teal'c's right, Sam," Daniel said. "Remember these men haven't seen a woman in thirty years. Maybe it's best if Teal'c and I…"_

"_I can look after myself, Daniel," Sam half-snapped. "Really," she said, her voice softening. "I can handle it. Besides, Mattias said that the historians wanted to show you their records."_

"_Really?" Daniel asked, his interest perked. "That's great. I might be able to find out some more information about the _First Tremours. _Sa'men didn't really go into that much detail, but the whole thing is actually quite fascinating when you think about it."_

"_I will go with Colonel Carter," Teal'c interrupted._

"_No Teal'c," Sam said. "I want you to go with Daniel, see what you can find. This is something I'd like to do on my own."_

* * *

Sam sat in the commissary, trying without much luck to make sense of the memories that were lulling through her mind. Daniel had told her his theory about the memory stamps and she had spent the last hour and a half trying to order the images in her brain. It didn't really make much sense. Daniel had told her not to read the mission report; but to try and let her own memories unfold on their own. It wasn't quite working.

Apparently, according to Daniel at least, Sam might be able to remember General O'Neill from the last time their memories were suppressed. It had seemed a long shot when he had told her about it, but she was beginning to recall images and people, although she barely understood what she found. She remembered moments of a person's life that was not her own. She didn't even know who she had been. The others were easy to discern. Tor was Teal'c, Karlin was Daniel and Jonah…he must have been General O'Neill. They were identical, after all. But her? She couldn't remember anything that had happened to her. Only what had happened to her friends. It was perplexing. It gave her a headache.

She spotted General O'Neill making his way towards her and got up to leave. Teal'c hadn't quite convinced her that they were really friends and she was in no mood to talk to the man since their last encounter. Before she could push her chair in, General O'Neill caught her eye and smiled. She sighed and sat back down as he approached.

"Truce?" he asked, and produced a glass of blue jello from behind his back.

"How did you…" she began to ask, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Eight years," he reminded her. "Eight years of lunches has been quite enough to tell me you've got a soft spot for jello."

She managed a small smile. "Sorry," she said. "I'm still trying to get my head around all this."

"Take all the time you need," Jack answered. "Can I still call you Carter though? It's kinda habitual." Sam flushed at her previous encounter with the General, embarrassed at what her frustration had made her say. She opened her mouth to apologize. "I was just teasing you, Carter," Jack assured. Sam nodded, confused.

"So…" Jack continued, taking a large bite out of a piece of pie. "Remember anything yet?" he asked. Sam found herself smiling at the playful look on the General's face. He looked at her with such a child-like wonder that she let a small laugh escape her lips.

"Yes, actually," She answered between spoonfuls of jello. "Daniel told me that I might be able to remember you from the time we were all memory stamped."

"Yeah, he mentioned something about that," Jack waved off trying to hide the queasy feeling in his gut. He took in a deep breath and looked at her. "So it worked?"

"I think so, sir," Sam said. "I'm not really sure. It doesn't make any sense."

Jack gave her a nod to continue.

"I remember images…flashes, nothing more than that," she said. "But I don't remember myself being there. It's like I'm remembering someone else's memories. And I can only remember up until a certain point. After that, there's nothing. I mean, I assume that it's because once we started to remember who we were, I started to recognize you as you, and so that part of my memory would be repressed, but it…"

"So what _do_ you remember?" Jack asked, trying to stop her from a spiel of technobabble that he wouldn't understand.

"I remember Tor," Sam began. "Teal'c's stamped identity. And I remember Karlin…that was Daniel. And I remember Jonah." She stopped and studied her C.O's face. "That must have been you," she said.

"It was," he confirmed, with a relieved smile.

"But there are other people that I don't recognize," Sam continued. "And I don't even know where I was. There was a woman. She was friends with Karlin…Daniel," she corrected.

"She was a native," Jack said. "We didn't know her either."

"Good," Sam sighed. "And there was Brenna…"

"Native."

"And another woman. I don't know what she looked like. Her name was Thera. And she and Jonah…you…were…"

"Close?" Jack offered, looking fixatedly at his pie.

"Yeah," Sam agreed, relieved that she wouldn't have to explain Jonah and Thera's romantic relationship. "Close…you were…_close_…"

She stopped. _Close._ That was the word Teal'c had used to describe her own relationship with Jack.

_Close…_

She looked up at Jack's face, and watched as he averted his eyes.

"It was me," she realized, slowly.

No wonder she didn't know what Thera had looked like. There weren't any mirrors below the surface of that planet.

"Yeah," Jack said quietly, still looking at his pie.

"Teal'c said that…" she couldn't continue. No wonder Teal'c wouldn't explain their relationship. This didn't make any sense. She and General O'Neill could never have…it just wasn't possible. "I…" She could feel her heart rate soaring and her cheeks redden. She had no idea of knowing what she had or hadn't done. She had to get out of there. "I've got to…"

And she stood up and left Jack in the commissary without looking back.


	8. Chapter 8

"_Jonah," Thera whispered, softly tracing her fingers along Jonah's strong shoulders and smiling at herself. She was a lucky woman. "Jonah," she cooed, and giggled quietly as her friend mumbled in his sleep._

"_Sam," he grumbled, and Thera furrowed her eyebrows_

"_Jonah," she called, as he tossed and turned. "Jonah!" She shook him till he woke._

"_Thera," Jonah gasped as he was flung into the land of the living. He yawned. "What are you doing here?"_

"_You were talking in your sleep again," she said. "I think you were having another nightmare." This hadn't been the first time. Her companion often had nightmares. He said such strange things in his sleep. Sometimes he moaned about a boy named Charlie and sometimes some sort of gate. Nothing he said ever made much sense, but his voice always seemed so earnest in his sleep that she was sure his murmurings must mean something. But he never remembered his dreams in the morning. _

"_Can you remember it?" she asked._

"_No," Jonah said, rubbing his eyes._

"_Oh," she answered, disappointed. _Sam._ There was something about that word. It seemed familiar to her, but she had no idea how. _

"_What's a Sam?" she asked._

"_A what?" Jonah asked._

"_A Sam," she repeated._

"_Never heard of it," Jonah said, scratching his back. Thera giggled as he tried and failed to reach the ticklish spot._

"_Need some help?" Thera asked, with a mischievous grin. _

"_Be my guest," Jonah said and turned around so that his back was facing her.. _

_She smiled and lifted his shirt. She scratched up and down his torso, silently thrilled at the feel of his skin under her nails. There were many scars on his back. She stroked one lightly. _

"_How did you get this?" she asked. Jonah tried to turn his neck to see the scar and almost fell over trying to reach it. Thera giggled again._

"_I can't remember," Jonah said. "In the mines, I guess," he shrugged. "It's a tough life for a man in the mines!" _

_Thera laughed at his fake bravado and buried her head in his shoulder. Jonah smiled at the feel of her spiky hair against his neck and turned back to face her. He loved making her laugh. Her smile was so beautiful. The way her lips parted to make way for her teeth…he could have fallen in love with those lips alone._

_So he kissed them._

_She melted into him so lightly, so lovingly. She was so soft, so incredibly beautiful. He put one hand to her cheek and was surprised at how warmly she received him. She leant her face against his hand before breaking their contact to giggle again. _

"_Sam…" he said, thoughtfully. _

_Thera looked up into his eyes. Such beautiful eyes. "What does it mean?" she asked._

"_Beats me," Jonah said. "Maybe it's an expression."_

"_Maybe," Thera agreed and brought her lips back to his, all thoughts of Sam forgotten._

* * *

What could she do? There were so many thoughts running through her head. Her forehead began to thud heavily with the strain and she took a moment to sit down and catch her breath.

What on earth did this all mean? She and General O'Neill had been intimate. How intimate? She knew that they had not been themselves but it didn't make that much of a difference. She couldn't say for sure that she hadn't done anything wrong because she couldn't remember any other damned thing about the man. And Teal'c had said they were close. Did he know? Was there even anything to know? The only person who could tell her was the one person she didn't want to be talking to right now. 

She thought of the General. He had looked so…what was the word? Sheepish? Shy? Ashamed? She didn't know. She didn't know enough about him to know. And yet she knew that at some place and at some time, some version of her had been in love with him. That much she knew. It wasn't enough to go on. But it was certainly too much to have on its own.

She rubbed her forehead. "Come on," she urged it, whispering to herself.

She remembered Jonah's smile. He smiled at Thera so often. His eyes were warm and brown and looked at her so lovingly…looked at _Thera_ so lovingly. She remembered a chaste kiss. She remembered the feel of his lips against hers…of Jonah's against Thera's. None of it was her. None of it was Samantha Carter. She shouldn't have anything to worry about. But she was worried.

She gritted her teeth. What the hell was she supposed to do about this? One wrong move and she could have herself and the General kicked out of the SGC faster than you could say 'fraternization'. But they had been under alien influence at the time. The memory stamps had clearly affected them. There had been other times like that, she was certain of it. She tried to remember. Nothing came to her but a dull thump in her head. Clearly, alien influence had affected her and the General more than once. 

And what about Pete? In this whole stupid scenario, she somehow had trouble remembering Pete. Her fiancée. How did that fit in? Did it have something to do with the General too? Everything else that she had forgotten had something to do with him. 

But how? Pete was a cop, he had nothing to do with the SGC. He was Mark's friend. Surely General O'Neill didn't know him. The two men had nothing to do with each other. Apart from the fact that apparently at some point they had both been involved with her.

She swallowed heavily. Was that it? Was that why she couldn't remember Pete? Because of his relationship with her? Maybe all the men she (and obviously Thera) had been close to had been blocked from her memory. She tried to remember. Jonas Hanson. She rifled through her memories. Jerk. Horrible person, really. She loved him. She never quite knew why. He proposed to her. She said yes. She wanted a family. She realized he could never give her that. He hurt her. She hurt him in return. She gave back the ring. She didn't hear from him again until that mission. The mission that destroyed him.

She sighed. That was it. Nothing was missing. 

It must be something else.

"Carter."

She jumped almost a foot in the air.

"Sir," she said, her voice coming out as no more than a squeak.

"You busy?" he asked.

"No," she said, "Yes," she corrected. She made the mistake of looking straight at him. The look in his eyes was so concerned; so caring. She suddenly felt small, vulnerable, shy. She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks and butterflies in her stomach. She swallowed and took a step back. Did he always do this to her?

"How are you doing?" he asked calmly. Sam wondered at his calmness. How could someone be so calm? 

"Fine," she lied. "I guess."

There was a silence. Uncomfortable and yet somehow reassuring. She tried to stop looking at him, but she couldn't help herself. He had very nice eyes, she realized. Thera had always thought that. Thera had loved Jonah's eyes. Thera had loved him.

But she wasn't Thera. She was Samantha Carter. She was a scientist, a soldier and above all a good woman. She didn't break the rules for a pair of eyes, no matter how deep or beautiful they were. 

"We didn't know who we were," he said, knowing what she had been thinking. Did he always do that? 

"I know," she answered, and surprised her self at how truthful she was being. Logically, if she had known who she was, she wouldn't have remembered any of it. She wouldn't have remembered the feel of Jonah's arms. Of his stubble against her cheek. She looked up at the General again. He looked at her no differently than Jonah had looked at Thera. There was slightly more reservation in his eyes but the same feelings were there. She resisted the urge to touch him. She stepped back again. She was so confused. Here was a man that she had been sure was a chauvinist and a pig. A man she didn't understand and a man that made her uncomfortable. But now? What would she even call this? Was she falling in love with him? Was she already in love with him? She couldn't know.

But she knew she wouldn't ask.

And a small part of her thought she didn't need to. 

That look was all she needed.


	9. Chapter 9

"_There's something I'd like you to do for me, Colonel," Sa'men said, his hands fidgeting loosely at his front._

_Sam said nothing. Sa'men was looking at her strangely. Something wasn't right._

"_Mattias!" Sa'men called. The young man entered the cave-room and nodded to his superior. He gave Sam an apologetic look and left the room, closing the door behind him._

"_What's going on, Sa'men?" Sam asked calmly. "What do you want from me?"_

_Sa'men smiled at her with a similar expression to Mattias's. "The continuation of my race," he said, and knocked her unconscious._

* * *

"Ok, Tok'ra Memory Device, take 271," Jack groaned, taking a seat next to Daniel and Teal'c. Sam gave him an apologetic smile. She knew that this was taking a lot of his time. 

General O'Neill smiled back. She felt herself going red. She looked at the floor.

This was ridiculous. She couldn't really be feeling this way. She was just putting images in her head because she couldn't remember the things that were supposed to be in her head in the first place. There was absolutely no way she was falling for him. Colonels in the Air Force just didn't do that kind of thing. 

It was just the trauma of losing her memories. That's all it was. The trauma was making her feel things that she wouldn't normally have felt. 

Selmak inserted the device to her temple. Sam winced.

"We will begin."

Sam sighed. She was in for another day of headaches.

"I want you to think about your latest mission," Selmak said. 

"We stepped out of the Stargate on Magora at about 0900. They were there, watching us. There no women there. They were staring at me. It was…a little disturbing…"

"What happened next?"

"Sa'men, their leader wanted to talk to me. I went with him into the protected cave systems. He said he wanted my help."

"Then what happened?" Selmak asked.

"I don't know," she said. The images on the screen provided what she could not succinctly remember. She saw Sa'men lift a blunt object and watched as it came towards her head. 

The screen went black.

"He knocked her out?" Daniel asked, from his chair. 

"Son of a bitch," Jack grunted under his breath. 

Sam looked around a little wildly. That explained the bump on her head. 

"What else can you remember?" Selmak asked.

Sam took a deep breath in and calmed herself down. There was more after that. She had dreamt about it. She knew it was there.

The screen lit up with an image of her, restrained to a chair.

"_We need your help," Sa'men said to her._

"_And this is how you ask?" she retorted. "What are you doing with me?"_

"_Nothing bad," Sa'men said. "Nothing unnatural."_

_Sam looked toward the door. It was closed. _

"_What do you want?" she asked._

"_I would have thought that was obvious," Sa'men said. "Procreation."_

_Sam's heart rate soared. "Excuse me?" she said. _

"_Is this a problem? Do you not have the sufficient parts?"_

"_I have all the sufficient…" Sam snapped_

Sam looked to her side and saw Jack look at his lap, whether from amusement or embarrassment, she didn't know.

"_Have I offended you?" Sa'men asked._

"_Uh…"Sam huffed angrily. She took a deep breath in, trying not to judge the misunderstood man. "In my culture, a woman isn't just used for procreation," she said, trying to remain calm. Obviously, Sa'men really didn't understand. _

"_How _do _you procreate?" Sa'men asked._

"_No…no, you've misunderstood. Women do…procreate. But it's not like that. I'm sorry. I can't…spawn…your new nation."_

_Sa'men looked devastated. "Why?"_

"_Women in Western Tau'ri culture don't procreate with multiple males," she said, startled by the determined look in Sa'men's eye. "I can't agree to this."_

"_You would be saving a world!" Sa'men yelled._

"_We can help you other ways, Sa'men. We have allies with ships. We can help you look for your wives and children."_

"_It's not enough!" Sa'men cried._

"_It'll have to be," Sam yelled back. "Sa'men, I understand that you're desperate, but I just can't do this."_

"_Why?"_

"_Women in my culture only have children with one man. Their husband or soul mate, or whatever they want to call them. I am one of those women. There is only one man I'll have children with. And no one else. I'm sorry but the answer is no."_

_There was silence. Sa'men reached for something in his desk. "I see," he said, pressing a few buttons. "I guess we will have go around that, then."_

The screen went black. 

Sam's mind raced. She didn't remember anything other than that. She couldn't remember anything after she had said she would only have children with one man. But if the only thing she couldn't remember was Jack, then…

That was it. Sa'men had erased her memory of Jack so that she would breed with the males of Magora.

He erased the memory of the only male Sam would have children with. 

Oh god. She was right. She was in love with him. 

How the hell was she supposed to explain this? 


	10. Chapter 10

"Are you sure you're ready for this, Carter?"

Jack looked her square in the eyes, worry evident on his face. Sam contained a blush that she could feel spreading. She looked to her teammates out the side of her eyes. They had either not noticed or were pretending not to. She looked back at Jack and nodded, trying not to look too closely at him. It made her feel slightly queasy.

"I'm ready sir," she said, finally able to move her mouth. "Going back to Magora is the only way to fix this." She had bewildered the whole briefing room with technobabble only hours before. She had tried convince her team mates and boss that she knew exactly what was going on. As she had hoped, no one had been able to understand much of what she was saying, but trusted her judgment enough to go a long with her plan.

She knew that Jack was still concerned. Their plan did seemed rather childish. They were returning to 'enemy' territory without really knowing why they had been targeted in the first place. At least, Jack, Daniel and Teal'c did not know why. Sam was almost certain now that Sa'men had suppressed her memories of General O'Neill so that she would agree to populating the Magoran people. The thought in itself was ridiculous. Even if she had no memories of her soul mate (which, apparently; she didn't and apparently; he was) she would still have never agreed to help the Magorans in that way. No woman would.

All her fellow teammates knew was that they were going back to demand Sa'men fix whatever he had done to her. They did not need to know anything else. She was sure that it would cause complications.

"Good," Jack replied. "But I'm relieving you of command for this mission."

Sam's stomach plummeted. A part of her knew that she was not prepared to lead this mission, but she had hoped to involve as few people as humanly possible. Not to mention the fact that she hated feeling compromised.

"I understand, sir," she said, careful not to look too closely at him. "Who'll be leading SG-1?"

"I will," Jack said.

"What?" The surprised question came from Daniel. Teal'c also seemed surprised, if the raising of one eyebrow could be any indication.

"Is that a problem, Daniel?" Jack asked, sarcastically.

Daniel shrugged. "No," he said nonchalantly. Sam smiled at him.

"Right, now that I have your permission, Daniel, I assume we can leave?"

Daniel merely rolled his eyes.

"Good," Jack said. "Let's move out."

* * *

"Woaw," Jack said when they had reached the other side. Any building that had stood on the surface before was now a crumbled mess.

"The tremours were worse than I thought," Daniel said.

"Which way to the caves?" Jack asked.

Sam pointed west. "Not far," she said. "Close to two miles."

The group walked in a silence that was far less comfortable than they were used to. All eyes wandered to and from Sam, all three men half-expecting her to fall unconscious or suddenly remember everything. Sam noticed that she was constantly being watched and clenched her hands into fists at her side. They stared at her as though she might turn into an Unas at any given second. She knew that her friends were only looking out for her, but it made her angry nonetheless. She could look after herself, memory in tact or not.

She looked over to her teammates. Daniel gave her a smile and Teal'c bowed his head to her. She narrowed her eyes. Daniel smiled at her far too knowingly. Did he know? Had he guessed? She took a deep breath in and smiled back, hoping he didn't know anything. She smiled back and looked at General O'Neill who had averted his eyes. She frowned, disheartened. Why did he make her so damned angry? She couldn't wait for this to make sense. She picked up the pace. The sooner she got her memory back the better.

"Did you feel that?"

Sam was brought out of her annoyed thoughts as Daniel stopped the company.

"Feel what?" Sam asked. She hadn't been paying much attention to anything other than reaching the protected caves as quickly as possible.

"The ground just shook. I think," he added.

"I too felt a slight murmur," Teal'c offered.

"The tremours?" Jack asked.

Daniel shrugged. "I don't know. I guess it's possible that they haven't completely stopped."

"I'd rather not stay to find out," Jack grumbled. "Let's head back to the gate."

"No!" Sam protested, more forcefully than she had meant to. "The protected caves are less than a mile away, sir," she said. "If we can reach them before…" The ground shook again, violently this time. Sam lost her balance and fell.

Daniel lost his balance and fell on top of her. "Sorry," he said, and dusted himself off quickly. "Sam…" he said, when she didn't respond. He shook her. "Jack!" He called.

"Crap," Jack muttered as he leaned down to Sam. He rolled her over into recovery position and checked her head. There was a bruise forming on her temple and a small pool of blood trickling down a sharp rock where her head had been.

"She's unconscious," Jack said. "We need to get her back to the gate."

"Would it not be wise to continue our mission?" Teal'c suggested. "Perhaps the Magorans can be of assistance."

"I doubt it," Jack said. "They did this to her in the first place." He lifted her head and her knees so that he could carry her. "A little help, T?" he asked. Sam murmured as her head rolled backward. "Carter?" Jack whispered. "Carter, can you hear me?"

"Jack…" she muttered, her eyes flitting open. She cried out in pain and squinted her eyes shut, almost losing consciousness again. She looked back up at him with a weak smile.

"Carter," he crooned, trying to keep her awake. What could he talk about to keep her from falling unconscious again? She wouldn't remember anything he said. But she had called him Jack. Maybe the fall had knocked the damned things loose. "Carter," he repeated. "Can you remember me?" He knew it would be easier for her to stay awake if she had something to talk about.

Sam nodded, wincing with pain. Her eyes closed again.

"I don't understand," Daniel said. "She didn't hit her head that badly."

"Perhaps the devices in her brain have been dislodged," Teal'c suggested.

"In which case we have no choice but to take her to them," Daniel said, his look of concern enough to make Jack agree.

"Alright," he said. "But for the record, I don't like this." If they so much as looked at her the wrong way…

Teal'c came to Jack's side and picked up their unconscious teammate.

* * *

"Hello," Daniel said, knocking on the purple grey barrier to the protected caves.

"Hey!" Jack yelled, after him. "Open up!"

There was no answer.

"Right," Jack muttered and pulled his P-90 into his arms.

"Jack!" Daniel warned. He beat on the door again. Jack glared him down.

"I'm not waiting for them to finish their dessert, Daniel!" he growled and bashed the door with the back end of his gun. "Open the damned door!" he yelled.

The barrier opened and out stepped a very nervous looking Mattias.

"Dr Jackson, Teal'c," the young man said. "You have returned." He looked dismayed.

"Yeah," said Daniel. "Mattias, we need your help."

Mattias saw Sam slung over Teal'c's shoulder and gasped. "Colonel Carter!" He cried. "What has happened to her?"

"We were hoping you might know the answer," Daniel said diplomatically.

Mattias squirmed. "This was not supposed to happen. Why is she asleep? Can she not wake?"

"No, she can't!" Jack growled. Mattias looked up at him, fearfully.

"Mattias, this is Jack," Daniel introduced. Jack sneered at the young man. "Mattias is one of the helpers in the village," Daniel explained.

"I am the assistant of Sa'men," he said, bowing to the company. "Why have you returned?" he asked Daniel. "I told Colonel Carter to leave this place!"

"She did leave," Daniel said. "She came home to us, but she was different. She lost some of her memory. Do you know why?"

Mattias shrugged and shrunk back. "I…there is nothing I can say to such a claim. I don't understand what…"

"Oh For crying out loud!" Jack practically yelled. "We don't have time for this!"

Mattias looked close to tears. "I am sorry," he said. "Perhaps I should get Sa'men." He began to back into the caves. "Please," he added. "Bring her inside. Take her to the infirmary. They will make her comfortable."

Teal'c, Daniel and Jack followed Mattias into the caves. There were men everywhere. There wasn't quite enough room in the protected underground caves for all the Magorans to live comfortably. Many of the poor had lived on the surface before the latest tremours had struck the planet. Now, however, they all huddled in together, sharing what they had.

Teal'c and Daniel made their way to the infirmary, led by a short man Mattias had enlisted to help them. Jack didn't follow. Loath as he was to leave Sam's side, something needed to be done and he had a feeling that this Sa'men fellow wasn't going to be all that forthcoming.

Jack waited at the door as Mattias summoned Sa'men.

"The aliens have returned," Jack heard the assistant say through the door.

"All of them?" A booming voice asked. Jack assumed it must be Sa'men.

"All of them," Mattias said. "They have brought another. I believe he is their leader."

"General O'Neill is here?" Sa'men asked. "Interesting. And the woman?"

Jack ground his teeth at Sa'men's tone of voice.

"Colonel Carter is here also," Mattias said. "I think she may be badly injured. She was asleep and would not wake."

Jack didn't wait to hear Sa'men's answer. He burst through the door, all thoughts of obtaining information gone from his brain. He was in a mad, erratic state. He couldn't stand by while Sam lay unconscious. She could be dying for all he knew. If Teal'c was right and the devices in her head had somehow dislodged, it would more than likely cause some kind of brain damage. He was no surgeon, but he was fairly sure it was possible. And he was _not _going to let that happen.

"General O'Neill," Sa'men greeted as Jack barged through the door. "I have been eager to meet you."

Jack stopped thinking. Something took over him. He wasn't even sure what. She felt as though he had been replaced by an animal. A carnivorous tiger who wanted nothing more than to rip Sa'men, limb from limb. He barely even noticed himself point his P-90 at the man's head. He barely noticed the roar that came out of his mouth.

"What have you done to Carter?"

Sa'men said nothing.

"What have you done to her?" Jack repeated.

Sa'men gave the General a sheepish smile. "I assure you, sir, I have no idea what you talking about. Mattias here was just telling me that your friends have decided to return to our beautiful town. I thank you. We have had much trouble relieving the people of the stress from the last tremours. We had thought we would never endure such hardship again, but there you are. The last week is merely proof that Mother Nature is a vengeful woman indeed."

Jack narrowed his eyes. "Walk with me," he said, and pointed his gun into Sa'men's back. He was prepared to lead the man to his death if he had to, no questions asked.


	11. Chapter 11

"Sa'men!" Daniel called out as he saw the old man enter the infirmary. "Jack!"

Jack waved to his friend as he led the leader of Magora into the small hospital, his gun firmly pointed into the alien's back. The room was nothing like the SGC's infirmary. There were few beds; most of the sick and injured floated at varying heights above the floor. They were suspended using energy fields and made for a very eery sight.

"Jack! What are you doing?" Daniel asked with a look of horror at Jack's P-90.

"Just making sure our new friend didn't forget his way here," Jack said. Mattias stood behind him, looking terrified. "Fix her," Jack said simply, poking Sa'men in the back with his gun.

"I'm sorry?" Sa'men asked incredulously.

"She's injured," Daniel explained. "We know you have superior medicine…"

"We know that you did this to her in the first place," Jack corrected. He resisted the urge to go to Sam's side. His better instincts told him to keep close to the Magoran leader.

"And what exactly did I do?" Sa'men asked, looking at Sam's still form. She hadn't moved since Teal'c had laid her there.

"You implanted Colonel Carter's brain with devices that repressed all memory of General O'Neill," Teal'c said

"I did not," he said simply.

"You did," Daniel corrected calmly.

"I assure you, I did not."

"We don't have time for this!" Jack yelled. "Carter's hit her head and those peg things you stuffed in her head are loose. Now fix her!"

Mattias rushed to Sam's side and checked her head for external injuries.

"Mattias!" Sa'men commanded. "She is not our concern!"

Mattias looked apologetically at Jack before returning to Sa'men's side.

"You're just going to let her die?" Daniel asked.

"I have done nothing wrong," Sa'men said. "And I cannot help her."

Mattias looked as though he was about to argue.

"Is that true?" Jack asked Mattias.

Mattias looked scared. Jack didn't blame him. Sa'men was staring daggers at the young assistant.

"I do not know what transpired here," Mattias said truthfully.

"I don't care about that now," Jack said. "We already know what he did to her. Can you fix her?"

Mattias looked to his superior and back at Jack. He nodded shortly.

"Mattias!" Sa'men roared.

"Please Mattias," Daniel implored. "Help her."

"Do not make a move or I will demote you to barrier watch!"

Mattias stood still. It was clear that he didn't know what to do.

"I cannot," he said to Daniel. "I must do as my leader commands."

"Screw him!" yelled Jack.

"Jack," Daniel warned. It seemed obvious that this battle wasn't going to be won with harsh words. "We know you tampered with her mind, Sa'men," he said steadily. "We have a device capable of showing people's memories. We saw you knock her out. We know what you did."

Sa'men said nothing.

"Sa'men, you need to trust us. We can help you," Daniel said. "We have a lot of powerful allies who can help you find your mothers and your children. We've done it before and we can do it again. Please – help us and we can help you."

Sa'men looked thoughtfully at Daniel before turning away with a scoff.

"Sa'men, sir; I believe them. I think they can help us," Mattias said.

"Quiet," Sa'men snapped. "They are merely trying to soil my name. They want to take my position from me!"

"This isn't about you," Daniel said in frustration. "It doesn't matter any more. Just help her, and we will help you."

"No we won't," Jack growled.

"What?" Daniel asked.

"You know what we are capable of," Jack said, glaring at Sa'men. "We'll tell your whole nation what you've done. We'll put our memory devices on you. You won't be able to hide a thing. Your whole planet will be able to watch you knock out Carter and take her memories from her. And we'll let the Magorans strip you of your precious title. Hell, I'll give them this," he said, waving his P-90, "and see what they'll do to you. And if they don't kill you, I will hunt you down and kill you myself."

"Jack!"

"You wouldn't…" Sa'men whispered.

"If you've seen her memories, then you know exactly what I would do for her."

There was silence. Daniel stared at Jack with horror. Mattias shrunk back into one of the room's corners. Teal'c bowed his head in approval.

"You don't understand," Sa'men cried. "She was our last hope…"

Jack didn't budge.

Sa'men slumped against the wall and shook his head, his face drowning in guilt.

"I was going to save my people," Sa'men said quietly, in defeat.

"Well now you're going to save mine," Jack said.


	12. Chapter 12

He sat with her while she slept. He had been there for hours but he didn't dare leave her side. Not when he knew that she would see him when she opened her eyes. She would see him and know him and look at him like she always did, with those beautiful eyes and that sheepish smile. He missed her smile.

It was only for him, he realized. He had not seen that smile throughout the whole ordeal even though she had smiled at many others. He hadn't once seen the smile that brightened up his day and haunted his nights. It was his smile. He owned it. And that was something.

He watched as Sa'men fiddled with the dials above Sam's head. He didn't know what had come over him. He was rarely so forceful, so destructive. But today he had become something he thought he had left behind. He was so angry. He felt as though he was going to die. He only ever felt that was when _she _was. He was decidedly used to the feeling of dying. He had almost died so many times now that there was something stale in that feeling of fear. But never for her. For her it was always stabbing, like a poisonous sword being pushed into his heart quickly then more slowly, and quickly again. For her to die would be far worse than his own death.

He loved her. He'd known it for such a long time that he thought his feelings might be growing stale too. Loving her for so long and never having her, wanting her every night and never touching her. He'd tried everything he could possibly think of to rid himself of his feelings, of his fantasies. He'd tried liquor and work. He'd tried to meet other women. But they had all been poor substitutes. She was more that mere woman. She was goddess.

If nothing else, this whole ordeal had taught him just how much he loved her. How much he needed her and craved every one of her habits.

Timing was a bitch.

He had met a woman. For the first time in years, he had met a woman who he was sure could make him happy. They hadn't really dated and he had only seen her in a work-capacity. She came on strong though and it was clear that she had no qualms with starting a relationship with him, even though they worked together. He admired her for that. She had the guts to do what he could had avoided for the last eight years.

But he wouldn't date her. Not now.

"Where are Dr Jackson and Teal'c?" Sa'men asked, bringing Jack out of his reverie.

"They've gone with some scientists," Jack said, "To see what they can do about finding that ship…the…Bang…something…"

"The Terbang," Sa'men corrected.

"Yeah, that," Jack said. "For the record, I didn't want any part of it."

Sa'men looked at Jack with amusement.

"You would have done the same as I have done," He said, "had an opportunity like that arisen."

Jack glared at the man for even thinking it.

"I am sure of it, General," Sa'men said. "Your colonel was the last hope for my people. We have not seen a child born in Magora for over a quarter of a century. Our whole planet would have died out with no one to continue the legacy. Surely it is not so hard for you to believe that we would have done anything we possible could to prevent that."

It wasn't that hard to believe, Jack thought to himself. They had seen similar things done before. Daniel's body had once become a lifeboat for several aliens who were merely trying to preserve their people. Carter's body had been taken over by an alien entity, hoping to protect its planet.

"Your methods are a little off," Jack said gruffly.

"You would not be here if you did not sympathize with our plight," Sa'men said, knowledgeably.

"I'm here to make sure Carter gets fixed, and nothing else," Jack said. "My team, on the other hand, think it might be useful to help you find your women and children, and I trust their judgment," he said. "Don't go thinking that I trust _you!_"

"I am aware that you do not," Sa'men said.

"What did you think you were going to do with Carter, anyway?" he asked in disgust.

"Once we had erased her memories of you, she was to be impregnated," Sa'men said, wary of the look he was being given. The military man clearly didn't understand their planet's desperation. "Once a suitable number of children had been born, her memories of her time here were to be erased, and the devices used to repress her memories of you would have been removed. She was to be returned to you with her original memories intact, and no awareness of what had occurred."

"Why?" Jack asked.

"We did not wish to cause Colonel Carter any discomfort. You think me evil, General, for what I tried to do, but I assure you it was with best intentions toward my people and yours."

"So, what? You removed her memories of _me _for her _comfort_?"

"Naturally," Sa'men said simply.

Jack held out his hands in disbelief.

Sa'men sighed. "In order for her to be able to mate with the males of Magora, we first had to ensure that she was not going against her cultural beliefs, which she explained to me not long before she returned to your world," he said.

"And…" Jack said, impatiently.

"It was against Colonel Carter's beliefs to mother a child with a man other than her…'soul mate' I think was the phrase she used."

Jack stared at Sa'men blankly.

"You think I'm Carter's…."

"I think nothing. This came straight from Colonel Carter's mouth and memories."

Jack was stupefied. "But she's engaged!" he said,

"Yes, this puzzled me also," Sa'men said. "Her memories and emotions however were evidence enough that it was you, not her betrothed with whom she had envisioned procreating."

"Oh," Jack said, feeling immensely awkward, among other things. He could feel his heart leaping in his chest at the other man's words. But surely he could not trust what Sa'men had to say. The man almost killed Sam and denied having anything to do with it.

"You did not know this," Sa'men said, realizing that Jack was completely bewildered.

"No," Jack said with a small shake of his head. "And I'm not sure I believe it either."

"You must," Sa'men said. "It is the truth!" He walked over to the corner of the room and took out a small machine. Jack aimed his P-90, just in case. After everything else that had happened, he was ready to expect anything.

"Put that thing down," Sa'men commanded, and growled to himself when Jack didn't move. "Have I not proven that I am no threat to you? Desperation led to the events of recent days, not any preconceived malice. Why will you not believe me?"

"Because she's still lying there," Jack said, revealing more of how he felt than he had meant to.

Sa'men put the small machine on the table next to them. "This is a recording device," he explained. "I recorded Colonel Carter's subconscious memories on it so that I knew what needed to be repressed and what could be left alone."

Jack looked at the device warily. "You can do that?" he asked, knowing that Carter would have a field day with one of the things.

"Indeed we can," Sa'men replied. "And I assure you that it will be among the many things we shall share and trade with your people in thanks for assisting in our search for our wives and daughters," he said graciously.

"Yeah…thanks," Jack said grumpily.

"As we spoke, this device recorded her memories," Sa'men explained and pressed a purple button. There was a short ringing sound and a hologram appeared.

"_Women in my culture only have children with one man. Their husband or soul mate, or whatever they want to call them. I am one of those women. There is only one man I'll have children with. And no one else. I'm sorry but the answer is no."_

Jack had heard this before. The Tok'ra memory device had shown this conversation, though not in the same detail as this device. There were two holographic images being displayed. One was of Carter and Sa'men, the same projection he had seen in the interrogation room back at the SGC. The other seemed to be a compilation of other images he had seen before. He supposed that these must be the pictoral representations of Carter's memories and subconscious mind.

He could see himself standing on one side of a force shield. He watched himself as he hammered his fists against it.

The vision changed.

He watched himself chatting to Merrin, the young girl from Orban, in Carter's lab.

He saw himself planting his face behind a magnifying glass and heard Sam laugh quietly.

The images changed to form a scene he had never seen before. He saw himself sitting on a floor of metal, talking to Carter. He heard himself tell her to call him Jack and heard Sam ask him if it would be any different for them if she had quit the air force. He watched in utter confusion as they spoke about her future and her love – life, as he told her that he was a safe bet and that she deserved better. Then she kissed him .He could feel a blush creeping to his cheeks as he stared at himself kissing Carter and holding her face in his hand.

"That never happened," Jack said warily.

"It is a part of Colonel Carter's memory," Sa'men assured. "Perhaps you can ask her when she wakes."

The colour drained from Jack's face as he took a quick glance at Sam's sleeping form.

"She will not wake for some time, General," Sa'men said.

Jack sighed heavily. Boy, did he have some thinking to do.


	13. Chapter 13

The first thing she felt was an enormous headache. She felt her whole body pound with pain and opened her eyes cautiously, hoping the pain wouldn't increase.

It did.

She clenched her teeth and let out a low whimper. She squinted her eyes shut again and sighed, sleepily.

She heard the sound of a cough very close to her and she sat up, sharply. She was hit with such a huge wave of nausea that she almost vomited, but instead coughed and spluttered, holding her head all the while.

"Carter!"

Despite her pain, she whipped her head to her left, where a very tired-looking General O'Neill sat, one hand on her bed.

She remembered.

She remembered everything. She remembered the smell of his neck, the feel of his hands, the look in his eyes and the taste of his lips. The initial sensory memory that came to her was so strong that she thought she might go into overload. But before she gave herself a chance to let herself get lost in her senses, other memories invaded her brains. This was General O'Neill. This was her boss. This was a man she was invariably _not_ allowed to go into overload over.

"Sir," she said, her voice husky from lack of use.

He smiled. She thought she might pass out again. Somehow this picture seemed familiar to her. She smoothed her hair back out of her face as she remembered herself realize her lover Jonah was really her commander, Jack. It was happening all over again. She smiled back, as she had smiled then. Sadly and with a greater knowledge than she had thought she had possessed.

"How are you doing?" Jack asked.

"I'm fine," she said, her standard answer to everything. She lifted a hand to her head. The memory devices must have been removed somehow. She looked around. She supposed she was in some kind of hospital. How had she gotten here? The last thing she remembered was falling. There had been a sharp pain in her head, and the image of Jack's concerned face. She must have blacked out after that.

"What happened?" she asked, massaging her head lightly to try and lessen the pain.

"You hit your head," he said, his concerned brown eyes locking intently with hers. She felt a small blush rising in her cheeks at his gaze. "We took you to Sa'men."

"What?" Sam asked, sharply, the volume in her voice causing her head to pound again. "Why?"

"It's ok," Jack said, soothingly. "He didn't hurt you."

Sam opened her mouth to argue; to tell him that she wasn't scared, but the knowing look in his eye told her that he was as scared that Sa'men would hurt her as she was. She swallowed the retort and sighed. "He removed the devices?" She asked.

Jack nodded. "Your fall knocked the clamps loose. You could have died if they weren't removed."

"Oh," was all Sam could say. Jack hadn't taken his eyes off her for a single second and she beginning to feel shy under his gaze. "What?" she asked him.

"Nothing," Jack said, clearing his throat. "It's…it's just good to have you back."

Sam furrowed her eyebrows. Something else was wrong. "Sir?" she questioned.

"It was a little…off-putting to look at you and have blank eyes stare back," he said, with difficulty. "Terrifying, actually." For the first time since she had woken, he looked away from her. She felt irrational guilt rising through her stomach and she resisted the urge to grab his hand.

"I'm sorry," she said, knowing what how unusual it was for Jack to admit something like that. "It was…a little terrifying for me too," she said, and smiled when he looked back at her.

"Well, it's over now," Jack said protectively and she wondered what had happened while she had slept. She had rarely seen him so tender and vulnerable. He looked as though the ordeal had hurt him as much as it had physically hurt her. She supposed that could be very true. She hadn't exactly been civil toward him. She had thought him to be an arrogant ass who didn't think anything of her. She had treated him terribly. She had to apologize.

"Sir…I need to explain," she started, not quite sure how to continue. She had questioned his motives, both as a team leader, and towards her and she was loath to bring it up again. But the look in Jack's eyes told her just how hurt he had been in the last week, and the fact that she could actually see the pain in his eyes, meant that he must have felt worse than she had thought. Jack never showed how he felt.

"You don't need to…" Jack waved her off, uncomfortably. "Sa'men showed me everything."

He looked away from her again. Sam didn't move. This was bad.

"Everything?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Everything," Jack mumbled back.

"Oh."

_Oh God._ He knew. After all those years of keeping her feelings from him, he finally knew. Sam felt numb.

Jack stole a look at her and furrowed his eyebrows. "That's not what you were just about to tell me was it?"

"No," Sam squeaked.

"Oh."

Sam's bran was reeling. A part of her was so nervous that she thought her heart might leap right out of her mouth from thumping so loudly. On one hand she was terrified as all hell. Of all the secrets she had kept close to her heart, this was the one secret she wanted Jack to know the least. On the other hand, it was sort of nice to know that he knew without actually having to tell him. She could avoid a long and embarrassing conversation this way.

"Sa'men showed you?" Sam asked, her curiosity getting the better of her. "How?"

She inwardly swore at herself. She was supposed to be _avoiding_ an embarrassing conversation. Damn it!

"Well, he had this machine thingy and it showed your subconscious or something…" Jack trailed off, not really knowing what he was talking about, or caring, for that matter.

But Sam was too caught up in the chase. Her scientist brain had taken over. A small part of her knew that she was changing the subject because she was uncomfortable, but she ignored it. Thinking about new, exciting technology was far easier than thinking about the fact that her C.O now knew about her secret feelings for him.

"You saw my subconscious?" she asked, vaguely aware that she was leading herself back into dangerous territory.

"I saw Merrin and that whole armband fiasco and…something else…" he trailed off.

"What was it?" she asked, despite herself.

Jack shrugged. "Who knows? We were on a ship, and I was you, but still me somehow, and you were…going to leave the air force or something…and…"

Sam looked white as a sheet. "That never happened," she said.

"See, now that's what I thought. But Sa'men said it came from your head." He gave a confused flourish of his hands.

"It…you weren't really there," Sam said.

"Right," Jack said, not understanding. "Good. I was beginning to think I'd lost _my_ memory."

Sam smiled thinly.

"And yet…_you_ werethere…"

"It's a long story," Sam said, apologetically. There was no way she was going into this. Jack finding out about her feelings for him was one thing. Having to tell him about her hallucinations of him was another entirely.

"I've got time," Jack said.

Sam sighed. "Do you remember when the Prometheus went off course last year and the crew was beamed off the ship?"

"Vividly," Jack said and Sam widened her eyes at Jack's faint look of horror. She hadn't known he had been so concerned.

"Well," she said, taking a deep breath in, "As you know, I suffered a concussion and was left by myself on the ship. I began hallucinating."

"Really?" Jack asked, amused.

"Not in a good way," Sam chided, with a roll of her eyes and Jack chuckled. "My subconscious mind concocted images of the people close to me, to help me figure out what was going on, or something."

"Only _your _brain could possibly think of doing that, Carter."

Sam smiled. "I think what you saw on Sa'men's machine must have been the conversation I had with my brain's image of you," she said, nodding as if that were the end of the story.

Jack nodded back slowly, trying to grasp the idea. "So it was you talking to…you," he said.

"Right," Sam answered, knowing that Jack wouldn't let the conversation go.

"You were going to leave the Air Force for me?" Jack asked, mono-tonally, as though he was trying to fight the words that were coming out of his mouth.

"You said you'd never ask me to give up my job," she said.

"I wouldn't."

"I know," she said, with a sad smile. "But I guess it didn't work."

"What didn't work?" he asked.

"Giving you up," she whispered.

She watched as Jack's eyes scanned her face. She noticed that she was holding her breath and sighed, shaking her head. This conversation was far too intense.

"Well, this is awkward," she said, with a nervous laugh.

"A little," Jack replied, looking defiantly at his hands. "I'm sorry," he said.

"What for?" Sam was surprised at the protectiveness in her own voice. She was beginning to mirror Jack.

"For…bringing that up," he said. "What were you _going_ to say before?"

"What?"

"When I told you that Sa'men told me why he did what he did." Jack narrowed his eyes or a second, trying to make sense of what he had just said. "You weren't going to tell me," he said, the hurt in his voice barely noticeable. "What _were _you going to say?

"That I was sorry for treating you so badly," she said, lamely.

"Of course you were," Jack said, shaking his head at his own stupidity.

"Sir," Sam reached out, not knowing quite what to do. "I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't know that I still…" She didn't finish. She never was a fan of the word love.

"Neither did I," Jack replied, taking a moment to look up at her. She held his gaze and sighed. This whole situation was too damned familiar.

"How does this always happen?" she asked, with a laugh that came out more bitterly than she had intended.

"We're just lucky, I guess."

"Lucky's not quite the word, I'd use, sir," Sam said, a small smile creeping through her lips.

"And you're smiling because…"

"I have no idea, sir." She laughed at the look on his face. "This isn't even funny."

"Not in the slightest."

"So what do we do now?" She asked.

"Nothing."

Sam frowned and felt her head pound again. "What?" she asked. After all her admissions he was going to pretend this hadn't happened? "But…"

"You're engaged, Carter," Jack interrupted.

Sam swallowed hard. She looked up at Jack's face and watched as he withdrew into himself.

"Pete," she whispered and cursed at herself for forgetting. How could she have let herself get so caught up that she could forget about her own fiancé? She bit her lip. Jack looked away from her and she felt a huge wave of guilt rise inside her. "Sir…" she said, without even thinking of anything else to add. "I…I'm sorry."

Jack nodded, still not looking at her.

"Maybe you should rest," Jack said, getting up from his chair. Sam nodded, her head spinning.

"I'll be back later," he said, giving her a concerned look.

"Thank you sir," she whispered, as he made his way to the door.

"For what?" he asked.

Sam couldn't answer. She closed her eyes and listened as his footsteps died away. When she was sure he had gone, she opened her eyes again, and allowed her tears to flow freely into her pillow.


	14. Chapter 14

"Sam!"

Pete practically beamed at Sam as he opened his door. She smiled back, trying to keep her nerves down. She had attempted to plan what she was going to say, but she was at a loss. It had been a long time since she'd had this conversation with a man. They always seemed to die first. Not Pete. He was alive and well and just waiting to greet her. She felt her stomach cramp. He didn't deserve what she had to dish out to him.

"Pete," she said with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. She sighed and allowed him to hug her. He was a nice smelling man. He smelt warm and friendly. Like the grass that grew outside her home when she was young. He smelt safe. He _was _safe. He smelt nothing like Jack. Jack smelt sort of spicy and sensual, sweaty and masculine. She shook herself off. Of all the times to be thinking about Jack O'Neill's smell, now was not it.

But it was difficult. She had gone so long not being able to think about him at all that it was cathartic somehow. After getting her memory back he seemed the only thing on her mind. She wanted to drown herself in Jack. It just felt so right. So warm. When they had gotten back to the SGC she had tried to tone down her thoughts. She had mission reports to write and so many things to put back in order, but she couldn't help it. She liked being able to think about him again.

Jack hadn't spoken to her since they had come home. She knew she had a lot to figure out and that Jack was giving her the space she needed. More space than she wanted. But it made things easier. It made this easier.

"Come in," Pete said with a smile and Sam followed him into his house, She took a deep breath in. "How are you?" Pete asked. "General O'Neill said there was a problem."

Sam winced at Jack's name. She had to tell him. "Pete," she said, before she could be pulled into another embrace. "We need to talk." She mentally noted how clichéd she was sounding, and how much Jack hated them. She clenched her teeth and yelled at herself to stop thinking about him. Now was not the time.

She watched as the light in Pete's eyes dimmed somewhat and felt a wave of guilt wrench at her stomach. This was going to be hard.

"What's up?" Pete asked as he followed Sam to the couch. He sat down next to her.

"Pete," she started. Just what was she supposed to say? Everything she had been practicing in the car on the way to his house had slipped out of her mind. "Pete…" she repeated. Why couldn't she say it? She ground her teeth together, trying not to look at him in the eye. She had to get a hold of herself. She had a job to do and she would be damned if she left without doing it.

"What is it, Sam?" Pete asked and clasped his hands over hers. She flushed and jerked her hands back.

"I can't!" She blurted out. "I can't do this!"

Pete cocked his head in concern. He looked almost like a puppy. "Do what?" he asked.

"I can't marry you," Sam said and felt a weight lift off her shoulders.

"Oh…" Pete whispered. She watched him as he sighed and looked into his lap. "Is it too soon?" he asked.

"It's not…"Sam said, once again lost for words. "It's not about timing," she said, "I just can't. I'm sorry." She handed him back the ring he had given her. It twinkled lightly in her hand as she gave it back, and a small part of her felt an immense loss. She had been so close to happy.

"What happened?" Pete asked, quietly.

Sam chose her words carefully. "I thought this was what I wanted," she said. "But…I haven't been truthful to myself."

"Why not?" Pete asked. Sam wanted to throttle him. Why was he being so understanding?

"Because…" she really didn't have an answer for him. "I really wanted the _happily ever after_."

"You just didn't want it with me." Sam said nothing. She bit her lip at the look of devastation on Pete's face. "I think I knew," he continued, mono-tonally. "But when you said yes, I guess I thought I was just being paranoid. But I wasn't, was I?" Sam couldn't answer him this time either. She just looked at him as he fiddled with his fingers and looked every where in the room but at her.

"What made you change your mind?" he asked eventually.

"I realized I couldn't go on lying to myself…to you," she said. _To Jack, _she thought. She should never have accepted Pete's proposal. Sa'men had helped her realize that. Her feelings for Pete had been so tied up in her feelings for Jack that she had lost part of her memory of him. She had never known it had been so bad before then.

"Is that all?" Pete asked.

Sam couldn't bring herself to say yes. She knew that it was much more than that. So she said nothing again.

"What happened?" Pete asked when Sam failed to answer him. "Something happened this week. General O'Neill told me. Did something happen to make you change your mind?"

He knew she was hiding something. She should have known he'd know. He was a cop, after all.

"It's complicated," she said, knowing the answer was rude and dismissive. But how was she supposed to tell him the truth?

"Sam," Pet pleaded, seeing straight through the charade. "Please! I know you don't like to share your other life with me, but come on!" She shrunk back a little at the hurt in his voice. "I don't care what it is. I just want to understand!"

"Ok," she said simply, with a sigh. He was right. He deserved to understand.

"Is it someone else?" he asked, before she had a chance to open her mouth. He looked at her as though he had wanted to ask her for a while now.

She nodded. She didn't feel quite as ashamed as she thought. Pete smiled a little and sighed, as though he had known all along.

"Does he know?" he asked. Sam nodded again. He knew now, thanks to Sa'men. Although, Sam thought he might have always known.

"Does he love you?"

Sam frowned. He had never said it in those words, but she thought he must love her. Maybe he always had too.

"I think so," she replied. Pete looked surprised.

"So you haven't…" he trailed off, not wanting to embarrass himself.

Sam stared at him for a moment until she understood.

"No!" she cried. "God no, Pete! I could never…" He thought she had slept with him. How could he think that of her? She supposed he had reason to. She had just practically told him that she never really loved him.

"I'm sorry," she said. She had never meant to hurt him. He was a good man.

"I know," he answered.

"I should go," Sam said. She gave one last look at the latest of her failures. "Thank you," she said. "For understanding." She kissed him on the cheek and left, her heart hammering on the way out. She could barely feel her feet as they walked her back to her car.

That was it. It was over.

She wanted to cry.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Hello! Welcome to the final chapter of The Way We Were. Before you read the conclusion to this story, I would like to thank you all for reading and reviewing. This has been the most rewarding experience I have had as a writer, so thank you for being so kind and helpful. I have enjoyed reading your feedback so much, and hope that you will leave me one last review!

It's been a fantastic journey.

Thank you ,

Bekki

* * *

Samantha Carter had never been surer of anything in her life.

As a generally confident woman, she was usually quite sure of most things. She was sure of her knowledge of physics, she was convinced in her abilities as a soldier. But she had never been as blindingly assured of any thing in the known universe as she was now.

She was in love with Jack O'Neill.

She knew with something beyond her brain and felt with something far more encompassing than her heart that what she was doing was right. She couldn't explain it. It was neither a positive nor a negative feeling. It just was.

Right now, regardless of what was going on the world (in the galaxy, even) she was a woman who knew beyond any doubt what she needed. And what she needed was somewhere behind the door she was approaching.

She took in a deep breath. This was it.

She knocked on the door and listened as she heard the sound of footsteps approaching.

She watched as the door knob twisted and a feeling of calm washed over her as she laid eyes upon the house's sole inhabitant.

"You're here," Jack said, after a moment of silence. He sounded as though he thought she'd never come.

"I'm here," she said and smiled nervously. She may have been supremely confident about her feelings for him, but she was still unsure of how this confrontation would end.

Jack led her awkwardly into his house. She kept her eyes fixed on him as he walked. She could feel butterflies eating their way through her stomach. If breaking up with Pete had been hard, this was near impossible. She wasn't even sure what she was supposed to say to him.

Jack stopped about two metres into the hall and turned around to look at her again. She drew in a quick breath at his stare. Her confidence was diminishing by the second.

"You ok?" Jack asked, causing her to blush a little.

"I'm fine," Sam answered, brushing her hair out of her eyes. She was hoping for some small talk at least, before she had to get into the heavy stuff. She looked up into Jack's eyes and hitched her breath at the intense gaze that was being directed back at her. It seemed Jack was in no mood for small talk; which, in itself was incredibly unusual, and made her even more nervous. "I just went to see Pete."

"Oh?" Jack asked, with a calmness that irritated Sam.

"Yeah," Sam said with a nod. "It's over."

She looked down uncomfortably and sighed.

"You don't seem altogether happy about that," Jack said, coolly.

"No," she said, surprising herself. A wave of melancholy seeped through her like a dirty needle injection. "I was so close to living happily ever after."

Now it was Jack's turn to look uncomfortable. He made a move as though to hold her, but held back, scratching his head to occupy his hands.

"You didn't have to…" he murmured, stumbling with his words. "I didn't mean for you to…"

"I didn't love him," Sam said. She needed Jack to know that she hadn't broken off her engagement just because he had mentioned it. He nodded, still looking away from her. The melancholy set in her stomach.

"I never meant for this to happen," she apologized, not really knowing if she was apologizing for the last week, or for her relationship with Pete.

"It's ok," Jack said, a little stale. "Nothing needs to happen…if that's what you want."

"No!" Sam said. "I didn't mean it like that." Her melancholy was turning into frustration. She had thought he understood everything. "Something needs to happen, Jack. I can't do this anymore." She could feel her eyes burning and felt embarrassed on top of everything else. Damn it! She had just been through the week from hell. Surely she could let herself cry if she needed to. She took in a breath and continued. "I don't want to pretend anymore, and God knows forgetting hasn't helped!"

She ferociously wiped a tear from her face. She noticed belatedly that she had called him Jack. From the look of the wide eyes staring back at her, she figured that he hadn't missed it. He looked as though he hadn't missed much at all.

"So what's stopping you?" Jack asked. Sam swallowed. Only Jack could possibly recognize that she was still undecided.

"I thought that you didn't…" She couldn't finish the sentence. She sounded ridiculous, even in her head.

"What?" Jack asked in disbelief. Sam flushed. He knew exactly what she was saying.

"It's been eight years," she defended. "You might have…moved on…" She tapered off.

Jack gave her a hard stare. "Carter, I couldn't get over you if I tried!"

Sam was floored. She had rarely heard him so forceful, let alone so forceful _and _loving. "Oh," was all she could say, and before she knew it, she was being kissed by her boss and the love of her life. The kiss was forceful, yet still the sweetest thing she thought she had ever tasted. She was so surprised that it took her a moment to realize what was happening. Once she had, she closed her eyes and sighed into his embrace. She felt a hand raking through her hair and she pulled him closer. A whole week's worth of frustration was being squeezed into this one kiss. She felt herself releasing her pent up tension into his mouth, all the while reveling in the feel of his body pressed against hers.

"Ya know, Carter," Jack said, breaking the contact, "For the world's smartest scientist, you're pretty slow on the uptake." He smiled and wiped away a stray tear from Sam's face. She laughed quietly and buried her head in Jack's chest. He laced his hands lazily through her hair.

"Cut me some slack, I did lose my memory you know," she said, removing his hands from her waist for a second so that she could look at him properly.

She could hardly believe that this was happening. A week ago, she would have been angry if someone had told her she would be in Jack O'Neill's arms right now. Actually, a week ago, she didn't know who Jack O'Neill was.

She laughed.

"What's so funny?" Jack asked.

"I don't know," she said. "This is a little…surreal…"

"I know exactly what you mean," Jack said, and kissed her lightly on the lips. He led her to his couch, pulling two beers out of the fridge on the way.

"Beer?" Sam asked, sitting down and taking a sip.

"Why not? This is a special occasion, isn't it?"

Sam blushed. "I guess so," she said.

"Daniel said he might have found the Magoran women," Jack said conversationally.

"Really?" Sam asked. She wasn't sure whether she was glad or not. She'd tried to ignore it, but the whole ordeal had been far more painful than she had been willing to admit.

"Hey," Jack said, "It's all ok now."

"I know," Sam said quietly, and snuggled in close to him. "Thank you, sir…Jack," She corrected with a smile.

"What for?" Jack asked.

"For being here for me," she said, closing her eyes against his chest.

"Always," Jack said and stroked her hair as she felt a relieved wave of tiredness. She snuggled in closer. Jack smiled.

"I love you, Carter," he whispered. "And don't you ever forget it again."

fin


End file.
